Pecah Perasaan (000010 - 000012)

000010

Samada kau sayang aku atau tidak

Samada kau ikhlas dengan aku atau tidak

Samada kau jujur dengan aku atau tidak

Aku tidak tahu

Tapi apa yang buat aku percaya semua itu

Apabila kau buktikan melalui tindakan

Ya

Aku tidak mampu lakukan apa yang aku minta kau lakukan

Aku tahu

Ajarlah aku

Bagaimana untuk menzahirkan semua itu melalui perbuatan

Bagaimana untuk menzahirkan semua itu melalui kata-kata

Agar aku juga merasakan yang sama

Agar kita sama-sama merasakannya

Agar kita mampu bahagia bersama

000011

Jangan datang lagi

Jangan datang dan merayu aku lagi

Jangan berharap lagi

Tolonglah!

Pergilah

Carilah kehidupanmu yang kau inginkan

Tanpa aku

Aku mohon

Aku merayu

000012

Harus kau tahu

Aku sudah tawar hati

Aku sudah mati hati

Semua tentang kita sudah tawar bagi aku

Bukan kerana orang lain

Tapi kerana kita berdua

The Relationship Of Hygiene/Cleanliness With Our Personality..

KEBERSIHAN DAN CARA KITA HIDUP ITU MENGGAMBARKAN PERSONALITI KITA. OR MORE TO BE EXACT IS ON HOW YOU HANDLE  YOUR ROOM AND THE WASHROOM. KENAPA?

Sebab bagi ak itu la cara nya kau mahu tngok orang tu pembersih, organised or vice versa.

Dan di situ jugak lah cara kita boleh nilai orang sebenar-benarnya whether kau mahu ckp dea cantik atau tidak. Sebab bagi aku orang yang betul2 cantik ialah orang yang jaga kebersihan no matter how busy they are. It’s about hygiene!

And this is specially for women ! sebab kalau lelaki tu x ksah sgt laa.. tapi kalau perempuan..huh!! kalau kau pengotor cewek, xda guna kau ouhh..bikin jatuh saham!!bikin jatuh semua la!!xda guna kau cantik kalau kau pengotor pemalas!!bagus mati sak la!! MENYUSAHKAN ORANG JA!

Ak xtau la klu mmg ada satu family yg pengotor tu…eerrgghhh…mcm mna la dorg hdup tu..euuhhh..msti smua kotor kan..HOW DO THEY LIVE??OMYGODD..JUST CAN’T IMAGINE..wel yes I think I can..all their furnitures are so full with dirt..bhabuk..the sofa the bantal and everything like pillows and such..msti bau hapak kan..eeuuhhhh…and the bedrooms will be like..ohmyyy…imagine this : once u open the door, here we go ; the smell of the mattress,pillows,blankets,teddies and their own smell of body which I can say is not that really got that perfume material..or to be more exact : BAU BADAN! Yes!! And plus the view ; nothing is organized. Pillows here and there..the baju and all..shit there’s no space..the floor of course full with dirt and if it’s a girl..i’m tellin ya..msti byk strands of hair here and there on the floor..

Baru ckp psl bilik tidur..blm lg psl bathroom,kitchen, living room..ohmyy..just can’t imagine how they live..lain lg psl baju yg x d cuci..the dishes and such..shit so fuckin dirty dude..

Guys..i tell ya..if u really need a woman who can take care of your entire life..find the one who keep on scrubbing the bathroom floor and the jamban like crazy..find the one who can take care of the house VERY WELL..i’m telling you..SERIOUSLY..find that bitch who can take care of you and the entire board of the house hygienically..I’M SERIOUS DUDE..

CLEANLINESS IS A FUCKIN SERIOUS THING..jgn ckp psl hygiene cuz I learn about all these microbes and such..even our T-zone of face(bhgian dahi dan hidung) is full of bacteria..or I can say tmpt yg pling sesuai utk dorg hdup dgn aman dan bhgia..you’ve got to be careful..take care of ur body hygiene AND YOUR ENVIRONMENT..

I mean..mcm mna org tu blh hdup klu semua bnda x bersih..kotor..x teratur..ak x blh tu hdp bgtu..mngkin blh laa… utk yg x teratur tu cuz ak pun kdg x teratur jgk..but since I live alone here without my mom or my brother..THANKFULLY ak jd pembersih and teratur(xda la that teratur but yeahh..i can manage my life and my place well)..I’m happy and bersyukur sgt2 sbb my mom taught me how to live the clean way..

Seriously..xda makna k kau hdup klu kau pengotor and pemalas..that is just DOUBLE THE MORON OF YOU! I just don’t know why..why u decide and choose to live that way..my god..tolonglaa…

Lain lg cerita klu yg jenis after doing their business in the toilet..THEY DON’T FLUSH!!!OH MY GOD!!!WHAT KIND OF A PERSON ARE YOU, WHORE??!!!! I’m asking you..do you really clean ur v-area??cuz u don’t flush!if u clean that area u must’ve flush that jamban too..

Aku sangat sangat sangat x faham kalau org tu hari2 do their laundry but don’t take care of their self-hygiene or their own environment clean…AT LEAST CLEAN..x hygiene its okay..BUT JUST CLEAN..TAKE CARE THE CLEANLINESS OF UR PLACE SERIOUSLY..

AND REMEMBER BITCHES…

"SLUT” WAS ORIGINALLY A SLANG FOR WOMEN WHO DIDN’T KEEP THEIR ROOMS CLEAN.. J

SO..KLU X KEEP ROOM CLEAN.. BLH BYGKN LA KAN TOILET MCM MNA..HEWW~~~

WE ARE BOSSBITCHES WITH ATTITUDES..NOT A SLUT !! SO BE CIVILISED.. J

Hell Yeah, Dude!

Aku Akan Terus Bertahan.. :')

Kau lukai hati dan perasaan ini..

Tapi entah mengapa aku masih mampu memberikan maaf padamu..

Mungkin kerana cinta kepadamu tulus dari dasar hatiku..

Mungkin kerana aku berharap kau dapat mengerti cintaku..

Lihat aku di sini bertahan walau kau sering menyakiti..

Hingga air mataku tak dapat menitis dan habis terurai..

Meski kau terus sakiti aku..

Cinta ini akan selalu memaafkan..

Dan aku percaya nanti engkau akan mengerti bila cintaku takkan mati..

Nobody Realize About My Existence

Haiii assalamualaikum… hahah.. lama x post kan..bz bha .. aii .. kununn .. hmm .. teda masa mau urus ne blog bbrapa weeks ne .. sbb ada blog baru yg kena urus .. hihi ..

Hmm .. for this time being .. ada la jg bbrapa update yg x smpat mau bgtau .. life routine changes a bit .. not so gradually but change juga la .. frequency ke library mbuat kerja dan research tu bertambah .. so .. emm .. yaa .. ak slalu la sda ke library .. slalu bertapa d ctu utk buat keja .. sbb my schedule for this semester x brapa pack except for Thursday so I think its better if that kekosongan and ke-free-an itu ak isi utk bertapa d dlm library dan buat research utk assignment dan kerja2 lain yg lebih patut .. hmm .. agak rajin jg la .. alhamdulillah .. hokhik..

Oke .. that was first .. enough la .. and lets go to the second one and the byk2 one .. well u know .. crita common laa .. bashing people here and there with my bestie .. haa my bestie skrg change a lot ! now she’s like more aggressive laa .. bila dea x ska dea akan straight forward says that dea x ska .. dea x mcm yg tym sem 1 ak kenal who is more diam and diam and diam .. she’s no longer that girl yg kau blh pijak sesuka hati .. she’s changed since last sem .. all thanks to that incident la yg buatkn dea semakin tegak berdiri .. hahah .. I like her whether she’s cool mcm tym part one or dea yg skrg .. ak x ksah ..

Ak mau crita satu la .. since ak dgn bestie slalu bdua ja dan bgerak ke mana mmg akn bsama specially when it comes about class ..and ak x brapa mau bgaul sgt pun dgn siapa2 sbb “less friend less stress and less shit” so yeah .. and that is fuckin TRUE man !! less shit .. but still annoyed dgn org sekeliling yg lack of kesedaran .. hmm .. hairan la jg kann.. pandai2 smua tp bgtu .. hmm .. ntah la .. malas mau ckp .. mnyinggungkn hati then trus blh jadi emo .. hahah ..

Oke so here’s the thing .. since ak slalu bdua ja and kurang bgaul .. so this sem I found out that I am invisible.. whether ak dlm kelas or not.. people won’t even recognize me .. haha .. so true .. I like that fact but.. it’s kinda hurt juga la bla ari tu ada classmate ne tnya .. so dialog dea mcm ni ..

        Classmate : diba dah ambk BCM blm ?

        Me : dah .. dah ambk dah last sem .. in fact kte ambk smua subjek part 2 last sem .. sma2 ngan               korg..skali kan dgn yg repeat tu .. ambk smua skali .. tp kena ambk OC lg skali laaa~ L

        Classmate : oh yee .. dah ambik OC ?

        Me : kena ambk lg skaliii

        Classmate : oh ye ?? klu nnti ambk OC ambk la dgn miss **** .. dea ajar ktorg last sem .. oke la                       dgn dia.. best ..

        Me  : haa.. tauu .. last sem kan kte satu kelas ..

        Classmate : oh yeke ? diba ade ek ?

        Me : hmm..ade laaa..

        Classmate : oooo … 

Faham tak apa yg ak nak sampai kan kat cni ??? nampak tak ?? and after that I said to my bestie “omg!!so slama ni dorg mmg x pnah sedar la yg aku slama ni satu kelas ngan korg??!!!mann!!!so ape la guna aku dok present psl reaction dkat lab BCM last sem kat dorg ??!!! dorg x nampak ehh???!!!omg!!seriously mannnnnn!!!” and my bestie was just like “ntah laa dorg tuu”

TO BE CONTINUED .. :')

it's 2012~

Hmm .. it’s 2012 ordy ..

Sorry arh x update .. ak rsa December teda post bhaa ..

Eeee.. sori arh.. teda tym bha mw on and update..

Hmmm..

Byk bnda yg jd bha since i haven’t update this blog..

Since buka sem baru ..

Hmmm..

First,ak break sda sma inche fikhri akmal..

Second, hubungan ak sma madir yg byk ups and down nya sntiasa bgtu jaa ..hohoh..

Third, ekonomi hdup ak dan family ak x brapa stabil..so,,kna bjimat la..huhu...

Fourth, thanks to madir .. i owe him a lot.. dea byk bntu sya dlm byk aspek specially kewangan..thanks a lot syg..

Fifth, ak dgn madir sda. Since a long time ago.. hohoh..

Oke.. jom ckp psl perkara pertama. Sya dan inche fikhri akmal..

Hmm...cinta d antara kami tidak dapat dipertahankn lagi .. hanya dapat bertahan selama 2 bulan jaa..hmmm... kmi break sebabb...ntah.. dea kc break sejaa gtoo.. mm and last2 ak tw dea c break ak sbb dea kata ak ada lelaki laen.. aishh shial laa... ak mati2 setia sma dea.. dea kata ak gtoo... babi btul ouh lelaki gtuu.. dea yg x pnah contact2 ak utk sbln.. last2 jmpa d kampus, dea x tegur sya then dea text kata ‘break kita’ . oke fine !!

I don’t even need a guy like you okayyy ??!!!!! sgt x rasional la anda ne .. sya syg anda sgt2, setia sma anda, tapi last2? Ini yang anda buat . bha it’s okay . :)akhirnya sya tahu anda orang seperti apa :)

Perkara kedua .. hubungan saya sma madir yg byk ups and down nya sentiasa bgtu jaa.. hohoh ..

Ermmm .. ne beruang .. mmg sgt bkin pnas laa ..huhuhu .. rajin mrajuk nee .. pnah ari tu dea mw pulang dr kota marudu sbb ada toots kunuk d kota marudu .. trus ntah npa tu .. dea mrh2 sma saya ne .. dea bntak2 sya .. aiihh shial la .. trus sya mrajuk smpi seminggu lebih .. sya x answer fon, x reply text.. sya plang kunak pun ari tu sya x btau sma dea .. neeehhhh.. sya btul2 kecik hati ouh sma dea tu ari .. punya la .. last2 c miza jg la yg kc lembut hati spya maafkn dea.. huu.. klu x gara2 c miza, mngkin kmi x contact sda skrg .. hohoho ...

Perkara ketiga, x pyh la sebut .. x pyh crita .. 

Perkara keempat, thanks to madir .. i owe him a lot.. dea byk bntu sya dlm byk aspek specially kewangan..thanks a lot syg..

Ehehemmm ... thanks byk2 la.. xtw bacamana! mw bls dea .. hmm .. stakat ne dea byk bantu laa.. ada bru2 ne ak kna saman bhaa .. tp tkut mw btau mama.. skalinya ak crita la sma dea kan .. trus dea tnya brapa mw d byr tu sman .. ak ckp la rm100 .. trus dea kata nti dea bank in .. astagaaa .. punya la... skalinya bsoknya sya kna urus tu sman , dea p bank in a day before..

Tp last2 x jd jg byr .. sbb tu officer ckp, dea maafkn sya lg .. but no more next tym! so now.. after midterm.. sya pkai baju kurung all the time .. kelas mlm pun sya pkai bju kurung .. hhoho ... demi keselamatan .. x mngapa kannn ... trus madir pun kata pkai la tu duit bikin belanja .. jgn smpi x mkn gra2 mw bjimat ja and gra2 teda duit.. cuz skrg sya sgt bjimat .. so, ya ! u owe jumadir a lot, adibah adrianna !

Perkara terakhir, perkara kelima .. ak dgn madir sda. Since a long time ago.. hohoh..

Yaa .. so true .. xmw komen byk .. anniversary 14 february 2011 .. ntah npa anniversary tu bgtoo .. haha .. ak pun xtw .. sbb kami pun sbnrnya xtw bla kmi ne official .. ak kc jd ja bha tu 14 feb cuz ak teringat yg kmi mw smbut v’tine sma2 .. hohoho.. ehh shiall laa ..

Tp tau la bha kn .. klu budu2 ne.. ahhaha ..abs c madir dlu ada gf laen lagi.. pastu kmi lost contact lg .. dlm 3-4 bulan gtu .. nahhh ... last2 .. bgni.. ak pn x fhm btul .. ahahah ...

But it all goes well even byk halangan laa .. byk gaduh, x miss ouh klu dlm seminggu tu x gduh .. malar gaduh .. huhu .. :D

Bha k la .. sukup la untuk ne ari .. nti2 la lgi arhh .. ihihihi ...adioss !!

Betrayal In Life

I don’t even noe wats goin on skrg nee ... suma jd celaruu .. everything .. relationship, family , friendship ... ak rsa d khianat jaa .. ntah laa ... 

Bf , kwn2 , bff , suma mcm tpu ak jaa .. ntah laa ..thats wat i feel.. honestly ..

Frankly speaking ,  ak rsa mcm ak mw pergi ja dr suma nee .. mls mw hdup d dunia yg pnuh dgn org yg sntiasa khianat .. hurmmm ...

Budak gmuk ari tu ckp dea xda awek .. tp ari tu ak nmpk dea bwk awek plk .. hurmm ... tpu ..

Kwn ckp they will stay wit me no matter wat .. tp dorg backstab ak .. hurmmm ..

He ckp he will love me n will never leave me .. tp npa sda brapa lama ak x pnah dgr crita dr dea .. no text, no phone calls, no poke, no wall-write, not even reply on mw wall post .. hmm ... rsa mw remove jaa relationship tuu ... ak xtw pun apa jd skrg ne between us .. hmmm ...

Hurmmm ...

All i can rely onto now is SD .. dea jaa .. ntah npa .. when bad things come , he will always be wit me .. no one knows me better other than him .. he cares for me when ak rsa ak xda tmpt utk bgantung .. tym org suma x pduli dgn ak , dea slalu ada ..

Knpa ? knpa dea slalu dtg tym2 ak sdiy jaa ?? dea xtw ka klu dea buat gni, ak akn rsa bslah and suma hal ne akn buat ak tmbh bharap dgn dea .. ak xmw jd kan dea skdr kwn ak tym2 ak sedih ja ..  ak xmw dea rsa gtuu and ak xmw buat dea gtuu .. ak slalu buat dea gtuu .. dea mcm x ksah pun ... hurmmm ...

Jgn treat ak tlampau baik bha SD .. ak x pnah layan kw sebaik ini ... ak slalu jht sma kw .. pliss...jht la dgn ak .. treat me equally as i treat u .. pliss ..


urmmm .. 


kmu pkir ak xtw ka yg kmu tu tpu ak ??!! eh ak tw laa .. kan ak sda ckp , i know things .. eventhough ak xmw tw bnda tuu, ak akn tw jg no matter wat ... hurh ... useless laa slama nee ckp .. forever ... kitai kw ja tuu ...tpu ja suma tuu ... urmmm ... mls laa .. 

ENOUGH WITH THE FAKE !

p/s : ne psl la ak bnci cuti lma2 .. byk bnda ak blh nmpk, blh tw, blh dpt tahu .. hurmm .. tp klu x cuti , x best pulakk ... hurmmm ... sda laa .. :'(

jan mw batabiatxx !!!!!

ada org ckp2 kwn ak .. n ak , oficially trasa jg klu kwn ak yg d ckp .. bcuz i consider they r part of me ..

hurmmm ... gni la .. snang ckp .. ak mmg x ska ne .. ak mmg x ska keadaan ne .. apa brg bha ne maen2 ckp blkg .. jan la .. aishh ...

ak blh diam lg smlm .. skalinya ak bca kmu punya post tu .. mention psl adab .. huh ! ak oke lae .. skalinya .. comment said " kta d klas , bkn d club "

ayat itu ja .. ak pns trus .. mw ja ak p bls komen kmu tu says " apa club2 ne .. klu x pnah pjak itu club, jan mw pndi2 ckp psl adab class-club sgala bagai .. apa kmu tw ? jan mw trepp larh .. prangai kmu mcm sial oke .. ckp2 gni .. bgs lae msuk club bt prangai sgala bagai dpd men tikam2 bgni .. bulan puasa bha ne .. jan mw pkir prasaan kmu ja .. org len pun ada prasaan la .. BULAN PUASA , KENA JAGA MULUT MINAH OYY !!!

ak sbar ja ne .. post ja d blog .. x dpt thn .. that is why ...

klu ak x sbr , mang lma sda ak redah men balas d fb ... ak still consider kmu kwn , that is why ak diam .. bising stakat d blog .. klu ak x consider kwn , mmg lma sda ak gerak ..

btw , apa ja la yg  buat kmu smpai kmu ckp gtu ? adab apa yg d bt smpi d ckp club ? hurmm .. dressing ? still b'lengan pnjang n bttup .. gaya kmi ? hurmmm ... kmi still jga batas .. so ?? apa ??

club ???? gua pantang bla lu ckp2 club ne ... jan mw batabiat sna arh .. klu x puas ati , ckp dpn2 .. jan smpi ak p pksa kmu bckap .. mcm sial dowh prangai ! betina btl !

ak mw yg mcm dlu ..

“ak cmburu sbb itu la ak diamkn diri”

suda2 la tu dir mw cmburu .. c ajai tu bknnya org yg ptut kw jeleskn .. dea tu kwnku ja, x pnh lbih dr itu .. ak anggap dea mcm abgku sda.. tlg la.. jan la mw cmbru bha ..klu ada pa2 slhku, ckp ja trus trg .. ak mnta maaf, ak prbtulkn sumanya ,, jan la bgni .. x senang atiku .. hurrmm …

ak pling x ska la keadaan bgni melanda ak .. x snang ak .. x tenang atiku .. ak pling x ska d c bgni .. diam2.. x text .. x call .. nothing!  makin jauh bha .. ak dgn kwn2 yg laen x jg gni .. x rpat cmana pun, ttp jg still contact2 .. tp kw , kw tu blh kira rpt bha jg .. cuz since January kta kwn kn .. tp skalinya plk, tba2 jd gni .. adehh ..

almost suma crita ak kongsi ma kw, skalinya gra2 satu bnda ja kta blh jd gni .. aisshhh .. ilang pelangiku bha.. xda sua yg blh c ceria ak tiap ari ..

apa lae cranya spaya kta blh jd mcm dlu lae ? ak rndu tym dlu2 ..  seriously , prlu ka ak ckp ma kw yg ak rindu kw .. apa cranya spaya kta blh jd mcm dlu lae ? ak rndu kta tym dlu .. L

kenapa ne ???

HEY ! wassup ! waitin for tomorrow , and I’ll be leavin !

wee~ x sbr sya mw tnggalkn tmpt ne bha . buhsan sua .

ngee~ sya mw komplen satu bnda ne .

wui . x than ak d c bgni bha !!! xku suka d c bgni . jan bgni bha! tlg la ea .

lyan la ak bgus2 bha . sjak bla ak x lyan kw bgus2 ne smpi kw buat bgni ma ak ?

aisshh . x pnah2 ak rsa bgni . npa jua ne ? klu ada smthg wrong, btau la.

kta bincang bgus2 . bkn bgni. ari tu kw ada ckp kn sbb kw bgni , I thought bnda ne sua settle. skalinya , lngsung xda ! mcm x settle . ok fine ! klu kw xmw contact ma ak lg, ak x kisah. tp, btau la .. jan buat org bgni .

laen2 ak rsa . maybe kw xtw yg ak ne jnis org yg xska lose a friendship . it feels like hell !

I’ve did wat eu want , I’m willing to do anything as long as it can heal our friendship !

ak x blh gni trus bha . aisshh . laen ak rsa . tlg la .

x tenang ak . ssh ati ku sbb kwn ku ada yg bgni ..

am I still ?? LOVE YOU ??

tahir ..

ak still sayang kw ka ?? ermm .. i think so .. since 23rd march ak ingat kw trus .. reason ?? dunno .. teringat tym kta ada janji utk result SPM .. 

tahir :: klu syg blh kalahkn abg punya result SPM , abg bg hadiah .. 

dba :: apa la kunun hadiahnya ??

tahir :: ada la .. syg study ja la btul2 klu mw hadiah tu .. ingat .. kalahkan abg .. abg yakin syg blh ..

dba :: hurmm.. ya la .. syg kalah kn abg k .. abg ingat tu .. hadiah .. syg tgu ..

tahir :: ea bha syg .. study k ..


hurmm .. xdpt la hadiah .. cuz ak x dpt kalahkn kw dlm SPM .. kw dpt 4A , ak skadar 3A ja ..

x b'maksud pun kn ak still syg kw kn .. x bha tu .. d ati ak xda siapa .. and i'm thinkin if kta blh lg sma2 mcm dlu .. aisshhh .. 

kau lukakan hati aku bha tahir .. ak x blh trima tu .. kw dgn syasya ??? ak x blh trima suma tu .. 

last kta jmpa , ak dpt rsa ksih syg kw tu bkn utk ak sda ..

kmarin .. ak rndu kw .. ak watch MV .. xtw lagu apa tu .. tba2 t'ingat kw trus rindu kw .. sbb style couple dlm MV tu mcm kta .. cra dea peluk , tarik gf nya tu .. sma mcm kw dgn ak .. huhh .. npa la .. why ??

smalam ak teringat , bln ne birthday kw pulak .. alala .. lupa ak .. sori syg .. 11 MAC .. happy birthday ..

ak buka FB kw td .. ak bca sumanya .. kw declare jg sda skrg kw single .. bgus la tu .. let's be cousin2 only .. :) 

hari khamis lalu ak jmpa adik mu .. ak temankan dea dating ma kwn ku , farah ..

tahir ..

kalau la kau tahu betapa sakitnya hatiku dulu , 

kalau la kau tahu betapa sayu dan pilunya hatiku dulu ,

kalau la juga kau tahu betapa kecewanya aku ..

mungkin kau akan faham ,

kenapa aku buat semua ne ..

kenapa aku berpaling dari kau ,

kenapa aku sengaja undur diri ..
kalau kau tahu semua tu ..
mungkin kau akan faham ..

thanx SD ..

this is getting cooler .

better than I thought .

WELCOME BACK PAPA !

I MISS YOU SO MUCH .

finally u've come back . i'm happy , happy so much . but i cant let a single tears of joy tearing down . i just couldnt't . there are no more tears that i can let out , even if it for happiness .

papa , eu dun noe how miser my life was when u're not with me . 

thanx papa . for saving me once again . i owe eu big . 

come to me ..

something bad had happen . i dunno wat to do .

seems like i'm lost .

need eu by my side now ..

i juz dunno wat to do .

eMo mE.... (jilid 2)

usually,people think that i’m a strong,happy person..
but behind my smiles they just don’t know how much i’m in pain and almost broken..

its hard knowing the fact everyone thinks you have a wonderful life, fun , happy, and cheerful life, but when you are alone, you cry for no reason you just cry and cry till you feel happy and then when you are happy you want to feel sad again and just keep crying

you know that it hurts .. so why did you say it ?? why did you do it ???

you know it .

you know that you are wrong , so say sorry . 

APOLOGIZE to the people that you've hurt so much .

i know that i'm lacking in each kind of way .

so , yeah . now i apologize to you for that .

why do you always act like this ?

not saying sorry after what you've did wrong .

what ? you want me to say sorry ??

you want me to apologize to you ??

after what you've did wrong ???

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING YOUNG MAN ??

you're such a coward . 

you're so cheap !

i don't even know you well , but i'm giving you the chance to love me .

i'm willing to change myself to be a better person for you .

even when i know that i shouldn't do that .

now i know . 

i shouldn't be so stupid by changing myself to a better person .

i'm already a good one .

wasiat ku ...

When first snow came
We promised that going to walk together this street but now it’s empty street

I’m holding our small rings and our massy memories
What’s wrong
What hates me

I can’t think about it
You may like her because she’s better than me
Please tell me you are sorry or miss you

Even you are not going back to me
You look happy with her so I’ll back you off one step back
I don’t make you smile so it’s useless holding you
I’m not the one that makes your heart is beating
Please tell me you are sorry or miss you

Even you are not going back to me
You look happy with her so I’ll back you off one step back
It’s not so true isn’t it?
I know that everything, I was so scared
But I denyed

I’m sorry, you may hurt too
I don’t wanna see you even by accident but you two are so good together
I’m alright

Even you are not mine I will keep an eyes on you
I won’t forget you so fast because I’m such a slow woman

bukan diriku ..

Setelah kupahami
Ku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu

Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila ku menjadi bisu
Kepada dirimu

Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas
Tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku

Walau kumasih mencintaimu
Kuharus meninggalkanmu
Kuharus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Kuharus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku

Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang lama menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku

miss MY EX ! (4th episode)

huuuuuufffffffffffttttttttttttttt ... papa, this is harder than i thought .  where are you now ??

Where are you now

When I need you the most

Why don't you take my hand 

I wanna be close

Help me when i am down

lift me up off the ground

teach me right from wrong

help me to stay strong

Take my hand and walk with me

Show me what to be

I need you to set me free

Where are you now?

Where are you now?

Now that im half grown

Why are we far apart?

i feel so alone

Where are you now?

when nothin's goin right?

where are you now?

i cant see the light

show me what to be

I need you to set me free

I need you to need me

Cant you see me

My heart is half empty

I'm not whole

when you're not with me

I want you here with me

To guide me

hold me and love me now

Where are you now?

Where are you now?

so take my hand and walk with me

show me what to be

i need you to set me free

LAST WORD FOR THIS EPISODE : NEED YOU ...

WHEN WILL I SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN ??

WHEN WILL YOU TOUCH MY HEART AGAIN ??

dear my past ,

there's been a lot playing in my mind lately after i found out about your facebook page . i thought that will be the end of it after i added you as my friend and you approved me . but i was totally wrong about it . that was not it .


well . let me tell you something about why i added you as my friend on FB .
1) i want to connect to you back (that's obvious)
2) you're kunakianz
3) we know each other in real life
4) i want to know how do you do (that's all . no more lies!)
5)it's been a long tym i've been looking for you ! you schmuck ! (ok ! that's it ! NO MORE LIES ! )


okay . when i found you back , i told my sister . here's part of the conversation ..


me : sys !! i found him !!!
sys : him ?? who ??
me : him !! ****!!!
sys : OMG! so ? how ?
me : how what ? i found him on FB . i added him . just waiting for his approval now .
sys : haha . so . if he wants you back . what would you do ?
me : i don't know . just wait and see .


SERIOUSLY !! i don't know about it . this time . i can't even think straight for myself . owh ! how this could be ! i can't even think of the consequences for what's happening next and i can't even think about what should i do next if THAT THING that my sister had mention . urgghhh !!!!! LORD , HELP ME . I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE .


ok . a few hours later .


NOTIFICATION :: **** accepted your friend request .


MONOLOGUE : OH MY GOD ! haha . you approved me . yeay !


so .. what's next ? hurmm ..


***** STATUS : salam  *via Android


MONOLOGUE : wow !! Android ! hurmm ... gettin interesting here . so . let's check out his profile .


PROGRESS : viewing aka stalking his profile .. viewing the photos ..


MONOLOGUE : hurmm ... photos.. added 6 minutes ago .. huuu ... did you miss me ? i don't think so . wow . seriously . you're in singapore right now . hurmm .. work at kazbar . as a ?? wow .. interesting ..


PROGRESS : writing on my sys wall . how do i feel ? guess . lyk schmuck !


please ... remember !! u're taken !! you left him few months ago . you've dated his bestfriend and then you've dated some other guy . and that some other guy is now you're boyfriend . ur sweet cupcake . ur sweetheart .


ok . i've commented on your status . and then wat . we both commented . and . HAH ! you gave me your cell number . hurmm .. u want me to give a miss call .. when ?? i asked u back ..


urrmmm ....


TO BE CONTINUED .....