untuk tahir ..

          aku rndu kau sgt2 tahir. ak xtw npa . sjak kblkgn ini aku rindu kau . rindu. rindu yg teramat sgt. dan jgn tnya npa ak blh rndu kw ne . ak sendiri pun xtw.

         

          aku mau minta maaf kat kau . ak rsa bsalah sgt2. ak taw ak slh sngka ari tu . ak tau aku salah. aku tau aku slalu slah fham, slalu cemburu buta. tu suma sebab aku sayangkan kau, aku takut kehilangan kau. seriously, I mean it. I mean this. I mean all these words that I’ve just mentioned.

          Yes. Aku sayang kau. aku masih sayangkan kau. aku minta maaf sebab aku delete kau dari facebook ari tu. aku minta maaf jg sbb ak block kau dr fb ari tu. skrg, ak unblock sua kw. tp ak x add kw. ak tkt. ak tkt bla ak add kw, ak tkt kw x approve ak.

         

          ak taw hatimu baek. tp ak ttp tkut jg nti atimu sda berubah bla dgn ak. ak mnta maaf sbb ak mengelak dr kw. jujur ak akui, jauh dlm atiku ak rndu kw sgt2. I longed for eu.

          aku ada soalan ak mw tnya kw klu kta dpt contact blik. “kau masih anggap aku girlfriend mu ka lg ?” yes. that’s my question for eu. I’m gonna ask eu that. seems like ak mcm mw ma kw blik kn? haha. adui. gla bha ak. so dumb. but I’m gonna ask eu jg soalan tuh. x tipu. lambat laun ya, ak akn tnya jg tuh soalan bla kta dpt contact blik.

          aku pun mau ckp dgn kau bnda ne “ aku minta maaf sgt2 sbb mrh dgn kau ari tu. ya, aku tau ak merajuk lma sgt. 4 bulan. bukan tempoh yang singkat. 4 bulan aku merajuk bwa hatiku yg luka ne jauh2 dr kau. tym kau chat ma ak 4 bulan yg lalu pun, ak layan kau maw x maw ja. sbb knapa ? sbb ak mc terkilan dgn kau. ak mc sakit hati. tipula kalau ak ckp ak blh lupa sms yg ak bca d hp mu tu. masih tbayang2 lae d mataku bnda yg ak bca tu. each of it. I still remember those. masih segar d ingatan ku. but skrg ak maw lupakan sda tu. ak xmw pduli sda bnda tu. ya. mngkin ak xkn dpt lupa bnda tu 100% . tapi aku akan cuba. ak akn cuba spaya ak dpt maafkn kw seikhlas hatiku. ak x nafikn yg ak still marah dgn kw lg. tp, apa juga gunanya maw marah kau lama2 kan ? like I told eu before. ak bkn jenis yg suka2 ja tinggalkn org. so, whatever happens. I will stick wit eu no matter wat. smpi la kw yg ckp ‘lets break up’ bru ak akn pergi undur diri.”

          dalam masa 4 bulan ne. mcm2 jd ma ak. ak hangout ma ex-bf ak. ak dpt kwn bru. ak dpt result spm. ak kerja unprofessionally cuz my mom paid me and it’s unofficial workin but I love it. ak hangout ma ex ak pun sbb tym tu ak skit ati ma kw, ak ckp “klu kw blh jln dgn ppuan laen npa x ak ?” tgk bha. ego kn ak. keras kepalanya ak. jahatnya ak dgn kw.

          msti kw t’tnya2 apa motifku delete and block kw d fb. motif ialah I can’t stand viewing ur fb each day in my life. I just can’t. ak tgk fb kw hari2. ak tgk perkembangannya. ak xtw npa. smpi la satu saat ak x than lg, ak trus decide ak delete kw and ak block kw. I’m too upset with  myself. I’m loving someone who already changed me to be better but that someone is not in love with me anymore. that someone is you. that someone is you tahir. yes. he is you. yourself.

          mohd tahir bin bahari, kalau kau baca ne, aku harap kau boleh maafkn aku and we can go back to normal. no heart-feeling. and for xtw kali yang keberapa, AKU MINTA MAAF. mungkin kau akn mrh plk dgn ak sbb I made this public but hey! I’m the type of person who love to go public about my feeling and all. I want the whole world to noe how I feel. specially bout org yg ak syg. and ya! kw mc dlm list org yg ak syg. J

          oh. and this one for eu. it’s a song. taylor swift yg nyanyi. lirik ne ngam sda utk btau ma kw tntang prasaan ak. klu kw ingat , kta gduh bulan disember kn ? mlm ? kn ? and first tym kw nmpak ak nangis pun bln september kn ? birthday kw baru2 ne pun ak xda wish kn? so, this song is about.. eu can say .. about me .. guess what ? saying sorry to eu ..

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night",
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leavin'
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

I go back to December all the time.
All the time 

kesunyian ..

ngee~~ sunyi idup ku skrg bha.. apa ? c madir ? kimxx kmu ne mnanya..sudah! jgn tnya dea lg! dea suda lenyap dr idup ku .. jgn ckp psl deal g ! ak mls sua mw pkir psl dea . bkn apa . ak byk lg bnda dlm idup ne mw d crita . bkn juz dea ja . byk lg bnda yg lbih pnting dlm idup ne .ak sbnrnya mls mw ckp psal dea bha . eh . brapa kali sua ne ak mention yg ak mls sua mw ckp & pkir psal dea ? bru 1 bha kn ? hehe. bha.

          mw ckp psl betapa sunyi idupku . xda org mw d text . xda boyfriend. yeay! single bha saya! haha . nah. sua single ne, mknanya byk la msa ku utk dri sndri. utk pkir bnda laen selaen drpd pkir lelaki! hihi . bebas wha idup saya. tapi gara2 c big panda tuh ak x bebas sgt cuz bkas dea mrh kn ak yg tym ak mw jln ma c ajai tuh . kalah2 prangai mak ak weyh dea mrh. ngee~ kw jelek! :p !!

           

          ak mcm mw memaki bha. tp xtw apa bnda yg mw d maki. aisshh . ntah la . ak pun sndri x pham apa yg ak mw sbnrnya. yg ak tw ak sunyi ja skrg. hee. susah juak bha klu x skola sua..xda bnda pnting yg mw d buat. xda priority.klu dlu. keja umah msti d c siap., study utk exam, and yg pling best..byk bnda yg kna pkir which is bnda tu pntg like upsr, pmr, spm, exams, prasaan cgu, byangan msa depan..klu x bljr, x pndai, result x bgus, kw mw jd apa ? tukang sapu sampah ? itu yg slalu d pkir tym skola..

         

          skrg..xda sua! apa lagi result sua kuar kn.. nah.. d tau sda.. skrg ne, mnunggu ja panggilan mana2 .. hee.. buhsan.. keja dgn ibu.. buhsan jg.. ari2 layan facebook. kadang2 buhsan jg.. sjak bbrapa minggu ni , ak c online ja chat ku d fb .. nah.. rmai la yg mngajak chat tuh .. aisshh.. bru mnta num hp.. mls nya ak.. ak x ska la.. apa lg sjak mnggu ini ak sda c single relationship status ku d fb.. tmbh rmai la lg yg chat ma ak..heisshh..

          nti ak gnti tuh relationship status p separated.. haha.. best tuh .. lma sda mw buat tuh .. tp x pnah t’buat2 .. hurmmm .. MOTIF ak post utk ne kali adalah untuk berkongsi rasa tentang betapa sedihnya ak ne hari .. ek ? ak x tw la npa ak sedey2 ne .. aisshh .. pilu bha hatiku .. xda prasaan.. kesunyian ak .. L L L L

saya x berani ! huu

 SD  is back . but , I ignore him . Cuz I’ve got chubby .

Sebenarnya blh ja ak hangout dgn SD .. tp ak tkut dgn chubby . ak xtw knapa ak tkut dgn dea . maybe since kejadian ak dgn ajai ari tu . what ? apakah yg tjd d “kejadian ak dgn ajai”? hurmm . lemme tell ya .

kejadian aku dan ajai

ari tu ajai update status FB .. dea kata mw blik kunak .. trus ak komen la .. ak kata “nah .. ada la ne laek d nmpak muka c ajai ne mnjalar d pkan ne .. hahah” then dea reply larr .. “ea..jln2 kta dibah..kw tgu ak sna..” trus ak bls blik “bha2..d tgu kw..hahah” d bls nya plk .. “ea..alert2 la hp mu..tgu ak msj..hahah..”

ak pkirkn c ajai maen2 ja .. skalinya btul2 dea msj .. t’ingat plk ak yg dea mmg ada jnji dgn ak dlu..dea ckp klu dea blik kunak, dea bwa ak jln2.. nah.. rupanya masih laek d ingatnya janjinya tu ma ak..ngee~~ *giggle*

jd mw d short storykan..ak btau la c madir ne yg ak mw jln ma c ajai.. skalinya, mrh plk dea ma ak.. aik! marah.. d teriak2nya ak..dea ckp “saya tidak suka bha!!saya tidak suka klu gupren sya jln dgn laki laen!!” mak aih..bingit telinga ak..huh! trus low plk voicenya, dea ckp “cuba pkir klu kwn2 papa nmpk bby jln dgn laki laen..apa dorg ckp?” hurmm..

aku xtw la.. mls sua mw pkir.. sentap ak d teriakkn bgtu..diam2 trus ak..trus aku ckp “ea la..xla aku bjln ma c ajai..”

nduk kcian c ajai..skalinya tym dea blik sndakan, trus dea msj ak.. he says “salam dibah..blik sua ak ne p sndkn..hurmm..next tym .. mcm xda rzeki ja kta ne mw jmpa tw .. L”

alala .. smileynya tuh.. buat ak pilu ja .. cian c ajai ..bkn apa .. ak ne jenis org yg, klu d ajak jln, ak ikut ja .. sda kebiasaan bha.. dr dlu laek .. ermm ..

nah … start tym tuh .. tkut sua ak mw jln2 ma sapa2 .. klu mw jln pun, ak btau dea juak .. hahah .. penakut ..

tp sjak kblakangan ini, ak mcm rebel ckit .. jln ke mana2 , x pnah btau sua .. jarang mw btau .. unless dea yg menanya “bby d mana ne?” bru ak mw m’btau .. hee .. sakit hati saia! dea ari tuh kedapatan b’jln x m’btau ! nah! ngam2 saia pun x m’btau ! elok la sgt ! ngam sua kta .. bgni la ne keadaan nya ..

skrg ne, SD slalu text ak.. says “d mana kau ? jln kta ?” .. nah .. slalunya ak trus m’jwb tuh .. “d umah ja ne.. bha .. yuk la.. ambik ak d bagiang skrg..cpt!” tp skrg .. ak x bls pun , klu bls pun ak tpu ja dea .. kata ak d twu la, d kk la.. hurmm .. takut ak .. itu ja .. ak xtw knapa .. tkut ak dgn big panda .. ahah..

jd , skrg ne kesimpulannya .. peratus utk ak mw nakal2 atau mw buat scandal laek adalah 0.00% !!! dan kemungkinannya adalah maximum than tipis apa ? ah. itu la tuh . lngsung teda. ak x blh maen2 pun . even d fb gurau2 , teda2 . x blh sua . hahah . cian dba. :p